the before & the after,

well..pregnancy's though all different still have a general thread of similarity to most women. they have the moments of glowingness...people either gloating at them because of the beauty of creating a new life..or growling at them for adding to the already overcrowded planet (thanks al gore).

so i had not too many quams i.e. bad issues during pregnancy and enjyied it for what it was. but the after bit is where i stumbled and didnt know or think i would...being the generally positive thinker that i al...hey, im allowed to think negatively just like alls of youz.

2 weeks after the birth of beautiful vanya....i fell...not literally but figuritively into a state of delayed trauma opf my delivery. my actual labor was only 1. hours with no chemical pain meds, just accupunture and oxygen.....but after vanya came out..my placenta did not on its own or with help. and by help i painfully recall two nurses jumping up & down on the top part of my stomach trying to scare the placenta out!!!! ( how can i make jest of this that was so painful? guess that's what definitely defines me as a humpropus human...the ability to do this to something so ridiculously painful).

so, according to modern and all medicine, the placenta (or after birth) is supposed to extract itself naturally and vacate the premices i.e. my uterus. it didn;t in my case for whatever reason. maybe its like hawaii in there, who knows? so considering that deaith was a possibility - which i was not ready for but am realistic that it happens to everyone - i was immediately whisked away to surgery to have the placenta removed via scraping...yes, my thoughts exactly..what the fuck?!?!?!?!

i NEVER got to have that first moment with our child on my chest feeling her immediate heartbeat/breath/weight/gaze on mine...after 9 mths of carrying her. im tearing up as i write this...because this is part of my therapy...i need to recall this painful moment in my life openely in order to ease it out of my system of trauma...it can't stay there forever..i must move on..but considering that vanya is but 4 weeks old (today) i cannot delete it so fast...it will take itw own time..just as vanya took her own time growing inside me.

im in surgery...have no clue whats going on..open my eyes, from what im told, 2.5 hrs. later to a gray ceiling, a concrete room, two heads staring down on me. turns out, they are swedish nurses, one swedish, one somalian speaking sweiding..yeah guess it could be like an art film moment. then the thing or persons i needed to see most with that first openess...JP and Vanya. JP holding vanya so carefull and staring at me with his caring/caressing eyes that all went well for what had occured.

mind you, this all happned 4 weeks ago...but my body just realised it 4 days ago, and when it did my mind snapped and i went into a traumatic state of shock, screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night. and this incident spurred JP to wrap me up tightly and warmly and take me to the emergency room where i was diagnosed with having post traumatic stress due to delivery..or as the americans call it post partum depression. . thanks to brooke shields its something people have benn now been made aware if in a more ublic manner. and now that I have experienced it i want to make it more aware to you and anyone that might stumble onto my blog.

i became better today. exactly today m you ask? yes. because i woke from a whole day of laying on my bed (a behavior that u stay in for many days) and opened the shades, washed my face with nordic cold water and proclaimed ;i am NOW back to ME!'
THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS KNOWING WHO U ARE.

and as many of you know..and i know..im a funny gal..always the life of the aprty, always trying to make people laugh and looking for my next joke. (kelly knows this very well). but the 'fun bobby' lifestyle also has its negatives that i think many people even the one who are that tend to forget ..and that is the downside of happy is side and we all have downsaides..but for the overly happy ones...the downside can be that much more painfully hard to go thru...cause why?...cause they only know happy...or think that. so...im back to me...but glad that these 'down; sides are very low on my priority scale of life experience requirements.

im now a member of the crusade to promote post partume depression awareness (ppda) and hope to help any families that are/might go thru with it...cause u can come out of it...and it depends on the love & support of your family, friends and medical professionals in your inner circle.

om shaniti om...don't worry im not joining the hare krishna cult...just chanting some yogic terms that have no religious connotations just spirutual ones and helpful ones in this chaotic world of ours. time to slow down and fika (have a coffee break with a pastry in swedish)

transitions in life

so now swindubaby has a name and is no longer gestating...so we shall also give this blog a new birth:

babyvanya.blogspot.com

keep on keepin on!!!!!!!

swindubaby....has a name

and its VANYA.

swedish : indian : russian

i first found the name in a swedish search and liked it for its 'prettiness'..then JP told me it meant 'exotic graden' in kannada (our mother tongue) and then i 'googled' it and found that it has a russian heritage as well...a pet name for 'ivan' or 'ivana'.

so...VANYA is here. we are all happy, healthy and excited!

deep thoughts

our pregnancy : we share everything!

i must say that JP is being very supportive as a husband during my pregnancy...see? even he has a tummy! :)

and then our friend, rille came by to show his support as well.

parenting class #4 : may 14

we are a total of 4 couples, all expecting our firsts. but, yesterday we were missing therisia & alex...for good reason...therisia gave birth one month early!!!!! she was due 2 days after me..june 7th...but i think was affected by our last class where we got a tour of the delivery rooms/delivery movie and went into labor that night! they had a healthy baby boy, named vincent.

so, yesterday we dealt with complications that can happen and a bit more about pain reliving methods.

we have one more class to go. then, we will all meet again about 4 weeks after the birth of the last baby in the group..to catch up and give feedback to our teacher about all that we learnt and if it was relevant. it will be neat to see these other parents to be with their newborns and see how much cuter our baby is. joke! gawd! puh-leeeze. well, ours will have the built in tan that the swedes will be jealous of indeed! :)

prepared...

as much as one can be.

i have finalized the hospital bag to take with when the time comes to go. my clothes/socks/baby clothes bag, toiletries case, some snacks & magazines.

lets just hope we remember to take it with...i have no idea how crazy or how calm i will be. kinda hard to know having never gone thru the feeling.

luckily the hospital is a 5 min. drive away :)

rich proteins and iron

the vegetarian way.

here's my take at a tasty dinner...homemade quiche...or paj as they call it here in sweden. filled with fresh spinach, broccoli and onions with black pepper/cayenne/salt spices.

recipe is thanks to mama hilda hayes as she bakes a mean quiche as well as other things :)

36w reality

but here is the real deal. damn im big.

36w blob

so..i wanted to take a pic of me at 36w and the focus obviously didnt work. but i feel like it was a happy blur that shows how big i really am in an abstract way and the black top helps mucho!

35.5 weeks

hello swindubaby readers!

had my midwife appt. yesterday with ingrid sabelcrona. she's a funny swede, very unlike many ive met or seen here.
funny-humor and funny-different if you get what i mean here. anyway...she's good for her sprit and 'fun factor' which beats having a semi-dead, emotionless person to deal with for your and your baby's well-being.

swindubaby is measuring fine, heartbeats strong and head positioned perfectly ready to go. that was one thing i was a bit curious about since after babys rotations in the womb he/she needs to settle about now and get ready to show us whats up. and till now i havent had the midwife confirm that...so ingrid brought in a basic ultrasound just to check position and the head was perfect. :)

we got our 'delivery' parking permit to display in the car...so that we dont need to worry about putting money in the meter when we're here for a long period of time on the day of.

i think now at 35-36 weeks i shd be seen every week by the mid-wife but ingrid has decided that since ive been doing well and according to schedule so far, that its not necessary and has me booked again in 2. and the fact that these mid-wives have many patients, im sure some are the 'hard core-hypochondriac' types that need more hand holding than moi. im more of the nature is doing what it needs as long as i take care of me and eat and sleep well...all will be good. plus, ive got my 'stor stark' with me - 'stor stark' is 'tall strong' in swedish and is used while ordering a basic beer here and i use it to refer to JP every now and then. :)

veggies for the vegetarian...

and future vegetarian.

JP is the master of making salads and this is his variation for 2007. his passion is to make it look so good and yummy!
lucky me!

@ a french sidenote @

Pregnant is «enceinte» in French. As a noun («une enceinte»), it roughly means a fence or a fortification surrounding a building and, strangely, a set of hi-fi loudspeakers. I love French language for such eccentricities.

@÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷@

i just got this tidbit of info from my friend, françois in paris and thought it was so neat - so i share. :)

april 24 : foraldrargrupp

greetings blog visitors!

today was our first 'new parent group' meeting at nykoping hospital. there are 5 meetings total that go till the end of may...we'll see if swindubaby makes it thru it all...considering due date is june 5th...but i feel he (my instinct) will arrive sooner.

inger andersson was our very 'peppy' midwife leader. a very well experienced, classy lady who was about 67 and worked there on a need basis as she is semi-retired but loves what she does and comes in for such classes to keep active.

four couples, we were probably the oldest and the youngest gal at 23. due dates were june 5, 7 (two) and 11.

this group is a free service and not mandatory...but of course great info for people like us that are so new to this world of baby! we will cover all aspects of the birth, hospital ward, care of baby after we are home and will meet again about 4 weeks after the birth of our respective babies...just to see how everyone is.

once the baby is born, nobody except the father is allowed in the room - a precaution for risk of infections - if i want to see anyone i have to go out to their meeting area and visitors are only allowed 17:00-19:00. i can stay as long as i need to - to feel comfortable - need to pay a fee of 200kr ($30) /day-night stay

i was decent with my swedish and understand quite a bit. we did an intro round and when i mentioned i was from california, everyone just sighed...they just don't understand why anyone would leave california, for here! they have their fantasies.

today we did a general overview, moms got to chat together, dads got to chat together and we watched a calm breathing exercises dvd.

we meet again in 2 weeks..just near mamini turning 34. wow.

april 18 : 33 weeks

met with gertrude, the lively barnmorska for my 2nd checkup in april.
all is well in swindubaby land. i will see my normal barnmorska, ingrid again
the day after i grow old ;)

friends of swindubaby

new arrivals to the world and babies of my best friends : keri & christy. from berkely, calif. to gilbert, az to nykoping, sweden...year of the piglets unite!!!

my view from the top

31 weeks : a visual representation

its amazing, how much i can feel the difference in size from week to week. i feel like its more active growth after about 22-24 weeks. and since yesterday i can actually see my belly move...its really fascinating.

vecka trettio-ett

that's week thirty-one for you english speakers. :)

yesterday i met with the very cheery and happy, gertrude. my barnmorska [midwife]. she will be seeing me this month as my regular barnmorska, ingrid is on a month vacation.

gertrude, is probably about 60-ish and you can just tell in the way she talks and handles me that she has seen a lot of mothers-to-be and babies. a certain comfortable confidence along with a happy disposition, which makes for a great appointment!

swindubaby and i are doing well. my tummy has reached 30cms which is a cm growth from my last visit, so thats good and the way it should be growing. all my other results were normal and babies heartbeat was thumping away at 145b/min. JP was with me, as he was working later in the day.

gertrude was a charming barnmorska and i'll be seeing her again this month, as now i have appts. twice a month due to the proximity of my due date : june 5th.

babys room

being made ready thanks to my 'i like to put it together' husband. :)

this is the guest room/babys room

: 29 weeks : march 21

i visited my barnmorska [midwife] today and got my regular checkup.
all is well with swindubaby : 150 heartbeats/min. which is great.
and being a vegetarian, iron count is an important number, pregnant or not and mine
is excelling, thanks to my iron capsules [niferex] and increased spinach, broccoli and red kidney bean intake.

i've become a MUCH better eater since marrying JP. he is beyond fabulous in instilling a good
balance in nutrition when we eat. so, that has definitely made me healthier which i thank him for.
it takes a true interest in one self to make the effort, and in the longrun its just better for you.
so why not do it and feel good? and now, more than ever its helping baby as well. :)

plus, living in VERY expensive to do anything Sweden, we eat at home most of the time, which means fresh
cooking vs. quick bites at the restaurant or ready made meals at WholeFoods and Trader Joe's.

27 weeks

now, i feel pregnant because ive started feeling the gurgles inside which are the kicks. and ive managed to just buy a pair of jeans and white pants, tops im managing with what i've got.

27 weeks

today was a nice occurence at school...while waiting for the teacher to come, i was met by angeliqué (a classmate from last year -from burundi) and she was smiling and just said 'you are so nice, you are so nice. you look wonderful. i just wanted to come tell you.' that was so sweet and kind of her to say...good vibes indeed. and then a thai classmate came by and smiled as well and asked when 'bebis kommer?' you could tell that moms had a glimmer of happiness for me at this time. felt nice...and makes me feel more pregnant. :)

today is 27 weeks:
the baby is really starting to fill up your uterus. This week he weighs almost 2 pounds and is about 14.4 inches long with his legs extended. He can now open and close his eyes, and he sleeps and wakes at regular intervals. He may suck his fingers, and although his lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning — with assistance — if he were to be born prematurely. Chalk up any rhythmic movement you may be feeling to a case of baby hiccups, which may be common from now on. Each episode usually lasts only a few moments, and isn't bothersome to him, so enjoy the tickle. With more brain tissue developing, your baby's brain is very active now. Wonder what he's thinking?

instincts :::::

i've always believed in my instincts....they generally prove me right. i've had many incidents where i've thought of something or someone and it has appeared before my eyes instantly or within memorable time. i feel like its a powerful thing and would like to put in my blog now that i predict that i will have a baby boy - as apposed to an adult boy - hjuk hjuk. just putting it out there for the odds makers in vegas, since i know they're following my progress as well.

we have some girl names but, boy names are still non-existant from our list of names...its proving to be quite a task.

JP wants a girl. but thats something we have no control over...or i should say he has control over it-as his contribution is what decides the sex of the child.

capiché?

:)

houston, we have kick-off

finally, after all i remember hearing from my mom friends that the kicks were amazing..here i was waiting and wondering what was wrong with me...as the kicking sensation is supposed to be felt after 20 weeks. and me here at 26..still feeling nothing...or so i thought.

when i went to see the midwife..she checked the baby heartbeat with a doppler and thats when he/she kicked and she asked me if i felt it? "that's the kick?" i asked..as i had been feeling that sensation for since 2 days prior and now i had her confirmation that the "bubbly" "gurguly" feeling in my stomach was not gas but kicking!

yahoooooooo!

so now, i know and feel at ease. kick away little swindu :)

proud parents

i just realized that it was pretty rude of me, not to include my better half in this blog.

the swedish midwife

maybe most people, or guys, i should say would be drooling when they hear swedish midwife and expect the stereotypical buxom blondine...well little do people know that most swedes are brunettes and far from the sterotype.

anyhooooooooooo...

today was our first swedish baby besök (visit). we were able to learn more about the swedish system which is different than india and america. i met with whats called a 'barnmörska' she is in basic terms the midwife who will be in charge of all my care till the birth and even afterwards. doctors here are present but only for the actual birth as the system is just such not to overdo anything unecessary. i am in control of everything - as most swedes are used to being and like it that way. i make appts. for ultrasound visits -which they only do once or twice during the whole pregnancy as its just not considered a absolute necessary procedure if the mother is healthy and has no abnormal symptoms. my bp being a pre-condition is what they will monitor and beware of since that is something to take note of and today it was 120/65...so all is fine. she was able to listen to the babys heartbeat and it was very normal and kicking as is normal for my stage now which is 26.5 weeks. she was a very nice lady and understands and speaks english well..even though swedish is fine but for some medical terms english is necessary.

i have to make an ultrasound appt. for tmrw or someday this week so that they have one done in sweden...and once that is done we can be official in the swedish system of insurance so that they know what they will have to cover for us. since JP will be entitled to many priviledges and me as well.

this appt. and appts that i will have with ingrid, my midwife are all free, including the birth (well our high taxes pay for it). so thats a nice consolation overall.

orange county girl has baby in sweden : could any of us even predicted something like this? well i guess that is what makes life so exciting...taking chances that lead to happiness : wouldn't change that for the world!

feeling cute and its MY blog!

23 weeks

tag me, if you must

the swedish look @ 22 weeks

well, after receiving many requests, i share with you my new profile. its a bit altered as you can see.my friend ginny in NYC has named me

'mammini'

for my new role in life.

dr.parvati & i

im sure most of you have never seen a dr. that practices in a gorgeous sari...but in india, its the norm. and dr.parvati always looked sharp along with such a bright and welcoming smile.

i was very fortunate to find this very knowledgeable, careful & kind doctor. she took very good care of me while i was in bangalore.

18th week : bangalore

just found this 'first pregnant looking' pic i took while in bangalore.

we've come a long way 'swindubaby'! :)